It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man going on and on about how much weight he’s lost, is the most boring man on earth. I have become that man and I am ashamed. Since finding myself pumped with

An Open Letter to Somebody

Dear Somebody, That thing you did made us furious. You told us the thing was in our interest but it was actually because you were trying to make up for that other thing. You disgust us. Over two trillion people

Sell Sell!

Nobody is always asking me “Martin, how do you keep your body looking like that of a Greek god?” Well it’s simple,  I use new improved ‘Man Wax’ from Lorry Al. ‘Man Wax’ is specially formulated to keep your body


I’m angry. In fact over the last few months I have lost over a hundred followers on Twitter because of my fury. I’ve ranted about everything from the BBC cancelling a popular drama to the murder of a giraffe at

Do That Thing

You know what? I really dislike people who compile lists of rules for Twitter, it really gets on my giddy goat and my goat is ridiculously giddy because it is a heroin addict, the stupid smacked up arsehole. There is

%d bloggers like this: