On Friday afternoons, back in the early 90s, I would write a list of ridiculous television show ideas and fax them to the BBC and Channel 4. Eventually people at those institutions would look forward to them arriving but eventually I had to stop as people began doing similar things on comedy programs, which made my efforts look derivative.
However I think it is time to restart that old Friday tradition, so here are my pitches for ten new television shows.
The Passion of the Chris
Chris Packham off of ‘The Really Wild Show’, visits companies who claim to be ‘passionate’ about a product and makes them fuck it at gun point.
Funny man Robin Ince, visits people who work in cinemas and the Post Office.
My Massively Obese Funeral
Some men bounce on a fat corpse while Stuart Hall laughs.
A look at nothing from the bronze age to the present day.
Two teams compete to make a living baby out of some guts, electricity and the skin of a dead hooker.
My Tidy Room
A fifteen part series in which Susan Sarandon visits some of her favourite tidy rooms.
Ten babies gurgle about tits and nappy rash.
Ate the Rich
Paris Hilton’s ex boyfriends speak frankly to Sir Trevor McDonald.
Tall Vole Rescue
Angela Rippon saves voles from high places, like shelves and steeples.
The One Show
Thirty minutes of ghastly shit.
That’s yer lot! I know they’re not very good but I’m out of practice, it has been eighteen years.
More next Friday but for now, don’t have nightmares but do have a lovely weekend.